Alright, so I’ll admit I’m not a certified Chocolatologist.

I don’t correct people who call white chocolate a true chocolate, I don’t scoff at Hersheys, and I don’t keep my chocolate in a humidor.

I do however, enjoy the complexities of real cacao.

See, the Mayans had it all figured out calling chocolate the fruit of the gods. It is a fruit by the way. Check it out.

Those Mad Scientist Mayans figured out how to roast, pound, and extract the delicious elixir, all by trial and error.

Luckily for us, chocolate today is easy. Easy to get at least.  There’s far more to it than you might think.

Chocolate is undoubtedly one of the easiest things to become a connoisseur in. I’ll summarize all my fact-checking and experience-having time into 3 ways to impress friends and enjoy chocolate more. Now’s the time to go grab that bar you have hidden.

1.       Chocolate is meant to be eaten slowly.

Now take a bite.

Nope not like our friend here, way too big. Take a smaller bite.

Much better.

Fine chocolate is bitter. I mean really bitter. If you’ve ever chomped on that bar of bittersweet out of desperation, you now know what chocolate sans fat tastes like.

Fortunately, cacao is a well thought out little fruit. Hidden deep in that delicate seed is a hefty portion of fat. Fat, as you may know, loves interacting with things. What do you drink after downing mace-grade buffalo wings? Milk. More specifically, whole milk. It’s the fat that helps remove the oils and extinguish the burn.

In a similar fashion, cacao butter helps blunt the bitterness of real chocolate. Fat takes time to melt though. Is that small piece still melting in your mouth? Probably not. Most people just chomp, chomp, chomp, swallow. Think of chocolate as a hard candy and give it time to fall apart.

You can grab another piece now.

2.      Chocolate is meant to be mixed.

Take a page from the Mayans and try some unthinkable combinations. Chocolate with Chile, Bacon, Berries, you name it and it’s probably out there, you just have to look. What’s more, chocolate pairs perfectly with a rich mocha stout, enchiladas, or just about anything. People have even tried pairing it with beef jerkey if that’s your thing.

3.      Chocolate is chocolate, even when it’s not.

Never let anyone bash you for your favorite chocolate. There are so many variations from white to bittersweet that even countries are identified by their chocolate confectionary. Belgian, Swiss, French, they all make it just a hair different, and they all have their reasons. Now I don’t mean for everyone to become chocolate snobs and snub a country or a type, you can find benefits in all of them. What I do want is for you to open your eyes, unleash your senses, and learn why theobroma cacao is one of the most loved foods on the planet.

Got a crazy combination of your own, or maybe just a favorite?

Leave it in the comments for others to try.

Be good to each other.

-J. Iufer